Winning the Game of Love

In many ways, Columbia student-athletes live in a world unto themselves. These Lions don’t just train as a pack; they often live with each other, eat meals as a group, and gather to celebrate or commiserate after games. Their lives are woven together in unique ways, creating bonds of friendship — and sometimes love — that last a lifetime.

CCT recently spoke with five field hockey and football couples — all of whom are still friends — and discovered that their background as college athletes didn’t just bring them together: It was also good preparation for the challenges of marriage and parenthood.

Ralph DeBernardo ’09 and Kaitlyn Busler DeBernardo ’10

The day after Kaitlyn arrived on campus to start training for her first field hockey season, she met Ralph, a sophomore, in the weightlifting room at Dodge. They quickly became friends, but their tough training schedules meant they didn’t have much time for a social life. There was, however, a brief period at the semester’s end when training wound down and the athletes could blow off some steam. Kaitlyn and Ralph were at a party together and realized they made a good pair. “I felt very different from other students on campus as a 6-foot-5, 290-pound football player,” he recalls. “But Kaitlyn and I just fit. We understood each other.”

The years that followed weren’t easy. Ralph’s mother had been a big supporter of the football team, inviting teammates over for Easter and Thanksgiving. But soon after Ralph graduated, she got sick. Kaitlyn, then the captain of the field hockey team, would take the train after practice to be with the two of them at the hospital. “It was a hugely formative time for us,” Kaitlyn recalls.

Four years later, Ralph and Kaitlyn got engaged. They drove from New York to the Bay Area so she could attend the Stanford Graduate School of Business, then eventually settled in Austin, Texas. These days, with two kids under the age of 5, their lives sometimes feel just as hectic as their time at the College. But, as it turns out, they’re very skilled at managing busy schedules. “It’s a lot of logistics, but I have a partner I know I can count on,” she says. “We’ve done this for a long time.”

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Craig Hormann SEAS’08, BUS’14 and Liz Reeve Hormann ’08

When field hockey players would do drills at Baker, they liked to gather around Craig, the star quarterback, and wave — their way of gently teasing him about his relationship with their teammate Liz. The two had been together since they were first-years, and athletes from this era remember this golden couple fondly.

But it was hard for the pair to stay connected when their sports were in season. “We had to make time for each other,” Craig recalls. “We would grab lunch during the week, between classes, when we could.” But ultimately, he thinks that crunch led them to cultivate a relationship in which they support each other’s passions. “There’s a certain level of independence that we each have,” he says.

After college, Craig moved in with his teammates Thomas Weldon ’08 and Cody Steele ’09, and Liz was always nearby. But it didn’t take long for them to realize they wanted to get married. So in 2011, they were the first among their friends to tie the knot. “We both knew the relationship was right,” Craig says. “There was no reason to wait.”

Now, Liz and Craig live in Chicago with their dog, Judd. Liz is still close to her teammates Marissa [Weldon] and Andrea [Steele], with whom she has an active text group. And every Memorial Day, they get together as a group. “We were all friends, even before we started dating and got married,” Liz says. “We still really love spending time with each other.”

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Thomas Weldon ’08 and Marissa Lee Weldon ’07 (née Doyle)

One late night during his freshman year, Thomas was on his way back from Cannon’s Pub. Through the window of Tom’s, he saw his friend Liz Reeve drinking milkshakes with her teammates and stopped by to say hello. That’s when he met Marissa, who was one year ahead of them. “I remember asking Liz the next day: ‘Who was that girl?’,” Thomas says. “I chased Marissa for years after that. Unsuccessfully.”

Thomas and Marissa stayed close friends throughout college; he even took her to a dance her junior year. But things never got romantic, and they dated other people. It was only after graduation, when they were both working in New York City, that they decided to give a relationship a shot. They went on a double date with their best friends, Liz and Craig [Hormann], to an Indian restaurant.

Just as they started getting serious, Marissa decided to move to Columbus, Ohio, to attend law school. Then the financial crisis hit, forcing Thomas to leave his job at an investment bank. But as it happened, Columbus was his hometown, so he decided to move back and give his relationship with Marissa a real shot. “Law school was very demanding, and he was a calming presence,” Marissa says. They got married shortly after she earned a J.D.

They recently brought their two kids to Morningside Heights, and took them to Tom’s. “I told them, ‘This is the booth where I met Mommy,’” Thomas says. “I’m not sure how impressed they were. But they liked the milkshakes.”

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Cody Steele ’09 and Andrea Derricks Steele ’07

Even though they were only two years apart, Cody and Andrea’s paths never crossed at the College. But after they graduated, they both stayed close to their Lions teammates. On New Year’s Eve in 2010, Cody was hosting a party with Thomas [Weldon] and Craig [Hormann], and their girlfriends, Marissa and Liz. Andrea came to the party.

For Cody and Andrea, it was love at first sight. There was only one problem: She had come with another date. At one point in the evening, Cody playfully asked Andrea if she wanted to trade up. Andrea shut him down quickly. “I really liked him, but that was so inappropriate,” she recalls. But Cody was persistent; he later reached out to her on Facebook, admitting that his intentions were good, even though his execution was bad.

Andrea didn’t need a lot of convincing to go out with him. They connected instantly, even though they had only just met. It helped that they knew all the same people. Andrea says there’s also a natural attraction between athletes who play their respective sports. “Field hockey girls are often strong and tall, and we’re seeking men who are also strong and tall,” she says with a laugh. “Cody fit the bill.”

After getting married in New York City and living there for several years, the couple moved back to Pennsylvania, where they both grew up. Now they’re encouraging their two young kids to explore music, the arts and of course, sports. “The two of us got so much out of becoming athletes,” Andrea says. “Including each other.”

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Jason Auguste ’05 and Diana Day Auguste ’06

Jason and Diana like to describe their meet-cute as “love at first fight.” In her sophomore year, Diana and her field hockey teammates were trying to navigate through a throng of football players at The West End. Jason introduced himself to Diana as the starting cornerback of the football team; she remarked that he must be fast to play that position. “His eyes became wide as saucers,” she recalls. “He was so excited to find a girl who actually understood the nuances of the game.”

But being diehard football fans also came with a downside. He loved the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, which had just defeated her team, the Philadelphia Eagles. They fought over this rivalry for most of the evening. Jason then walked her to her dorm and gave her a peck on the cheek. The next day, Diana looked him up in the college directory and asked him on a proper date. They watched a football game together.

Their love of the game has carried them through the decades. After college, Jason was sad to leave football behind, since it had been such an integral part of his identity. “Diana became my safe place, where I could be vulnerable,” he says. To fill the void, the couple would travel the country to watch the Buccaneers play the Eagles. Today, they live in San Francisco, but they often bring their two children to football games. “We’ve just crossed the mark of having known each other half our lives,” Diana says.

Elizabeth Segran ’05 is a senior staff writer at Fast Company magazine, where she covers the fashion industry. She is the author of The Rocket Years: How Your Twenties Launch The Rest of Your Life. Segran lives in Boston with her husband, Benjamin Schneer ’05, whom she met freshman year, and their two daughters.